I am a true goal setter. I do it for almost everything. From my new hobby, knitting, to setting a date for completing a manuscript. Of course that doesn't mean the goals are always met. In fact, I have to admit that I think once a person creates a plan or sets a goal they need to remain flexible and ready for the twist and turns that will no doubt happen. No date is iron clad. No goal is set in cement. But I set them anyway. I guess it gives me something to shoot for. So here is my latest goal:
I am giving myself one and a half months to get strong enough and to be mobile enough to return to my old lifestyle of independence. Chemo zapped me of my strength--took away my energy--my mojo. I found my bed to be my place of comfort, an enabling friend. I became weaker and weaker. My psyche said I was capable of less and less.
I'l l be under Hospice care and I know they can help me a great deal in achieving this goal. However, the burden will be on me to get out of bed every day by myself, to walk to the bathroom and kitchen by myself. With each day getting stronger so that I feel comfortable without someone right beside me. So that I don't have to ask my partner constantly for help with the simplest things. Imagine how frustrating that has to be for him after a year and a half? Wow. Tom has been an incredible caregiver, remaining with me 24/7 since I was diagnosed with bone cancer and my other rare disease that I have forgotten how to spell. More so than either of us would have guessed he was capable of, but now it is me who has to do the work. Unfortunately I have never been one to go to a gym alone or to exercise alone. I prefer a partner. But this one is on me. Can I do it? You bet I can. Will it be easy? Nope. I lean toward being a wimp.
It was only a month ago that I found I could set up in a chair for more than an hour at a time. Now I can play several games of Mahjong before returning to the comfort of my bed (my nest) or to lying back on a sofa.
I just returned from my first of the day alone "stand up" and successful trip around the house. I began doing this four days ago. Each time it will get easier. Don't get me wrong, I will avoid falling at all costs. Slow step by slow step. No foolishness. No over-shooting what I am capable of. But working toward that goal--steadily, surely.
So wish me luck. Laugh. Love. Cherish your family and friends.